Yesterday we went to The Southerner in the city. This is a boozer that sells Speight's beers, imported from New Zealand. We went with the neighbours, one of whom is from New Zealand, because we were promised that they do good roast lunches on Sundays. Good roast lunches, my arse. They were bloody awful: overcooked, leathery, flavourless meat, wet tasteless vegetables and the roast potatoes defied description. I wasn't so impressed with Speight's beers, either.

So, we needed perking up. This required decent wine, teddy bears and nappies. You can see me enjoying these around the neighbours' place below:

As you can see by my bulging Miffy t-shirt, now I am not spewing all of the time I have put on a shed-load of weight. I've had to move up to large-size Abri-Form X-Pluses. The wine was a rather cheeky little Chateauneuf, Mont-Redon 2004, which really blossomed with time in the glass. The afternoon passed with much pleasure and I felt rather jollied along by the whole affair. The kebabs we ordered later were much better than The Southerner's roast lunches.

After my bath last night I was fortunate enough to be 'made ready' for bed: this is the advantage of being a supervised toddler. All I had to do was be co-operative and good. And I am a good baby.

First comes a nappy:

Then plastic pants:

Finally a nursery-printed sleeper to keep me snuggly and warm:

As I surfed that crazy interweb-thing earlier today I found a few things that might be of interest.

I am aware there are companies in the US that sell nursery-printed disposables for adults (like this one), but today I found a place selling them in Europe. If you click here and scroll to the bottom of the page you'll find them. OK, so they don't look quite as good as the American ones, but I imagine they'll delight some people.

The same place sells very affordable onesies, some of which are nursery-printed. They are at the bottom of this page.

Finally, bargain onesies can be found in the UK from those makers of brilliant nappies: Abena. Download their catalogue and they are on toward the end of it. A tenner for a t-shirt onesie, excellent! I'll be ordering some soon.

I have a bath or shower every day and use deodorant, but because I wear nappies I have become aware that I have a distinct odour. Luckily, it is nothing that smells bad. I change regularly and clean myself up with baby wipes. These are very highly scented in order to mask the stink that babies manage to generate. Consequently, I smell of Pampers' baby wipes. No one has ever commented on this, but the kitten finds the smell of my fingers after a change to be really interesting.

Kisu the kitten is very nice, he is friendly most of the time and always likes to be involved with what is going on in the flat. This causes problems when it is time for a nappy change. He finds the plastic tabs on the side of nappies to be fascinating, and he likes to claw and nibble them. It gets worse when he is excited and then he jumps at the nappy as soon as I get one from the nappy box; he wants to kill it. Obviously, such treatment isn't ideal if you wish your nappy to remain water-proof.

I am back in pretty good form as far as eating and drinking go so I was pleased to be able to drink wine for the first time in a while last night. I didn't finish the bottle. This afternoon a friend popped around and we finished last night's bottle then popped another. It was incredibly dull and very disappointing. This made me unhappy and annoyed that I had purchased a poor bottle. Needless to say after a few glasses of wine my nappy was rather wet and I was squirming a bit. My friend finally left, leaving me still hacked off about the poor wine, and I could finally get a change. The simple application of a dry nappy really cheered me right up. I am a lot less bothered by the poor wine now I am comfortable in a fresh nappy.

I am all alone in the flat so it is time to change into something more comfortable. Namely, a big cloth nappy and a nursery-printed shirt:

Not the best of pictures, but you can probably tell that a nappy of that size will last me a while.

There is cricket on the box at the moment, the ICC Champions Trophy. This means many hours sat in front of the television with only short breaks at the end of each over. If I were not a toddler my consumption of invigorating beverages would mean that I ran the risk of missing something important. However, as I am a toddler I can sit cuddling Butter with no need to get up to go to the toilet; nappies take care of that.

I really like wearing nappies, they make me feel happy, safe and secure. I am quite pleased that I have lost a bit of weight recently so I can fit into medium size nappies again. The large size were always just a bit too big for me (even though I am a very big toddler) and ran the risk of slipping down and possibly leaking. A snug fit with medium size nappies means I will not leak and my sofa is safe from dampness.

At the moment I am wearing an Abena Abri-Form X-Plus (which British readers can get from Beaucare Medical). These are very absorbent and don't have too much branding on them so they look more like little babies' nappies. They are great for wearing at night. I'd normally wear Tena Slip Maxis during the day, but I have run out.

I saw my nurse earlier and it was very successful. Not only was she quite supportive, she had also scored me some tranquilisers from my psychiatrist. These have taken all of the urgency from my need to self-harm or commit suicide so I am feeling a lot happier. Putting on a nappy has also lifted my spirits. It is just a shame the cricket is going so badly. At least I get to cuddle Butter whilst watching it.

There was a knock at the door this morning whilst I was still in bed. I opened the door in my nursery-printed sleeper to find a delivery man there. He had two cases of nappies all for me. This is handy because tomorrow I am having my first real injection of the anti-psychotic that can cause incontinence. Be prepared!

Butter can be a baby too:

Pampers fit Butter perfectly. Lucky bear.

I am often asked what nappies I use; I may as well answer here.

During the day I use Tena Slip Maxis. These are very comfortable and hold quite a lot. They are also relatively baby-nappy-like with not too much branding on them. The European design is different to that of the Tena Slips available in the US and some claim they are better; an American AB who came over and stayed with me took a case of them back with him. They can be ordered direct from the manufacturer, whose UK website is here.

At night I use Abena Abri-Form X-Pluses. These are great for night-time use but the shape does not really lend itself to wearing during the day; we toddlers are an active bunch and run around a lot. Again these are quite babyish with not too much branding on them. You can buy Abenas from here.

I do have some cloth nappies, but because I am too toddlerish to handle the washing-machine with great skill I only use them when I fancy a lie-in. Cloth nappies are good, the bulk feels nice, but they do make me toddle around rather than my normal confident two year old's walk.

Here I am with Butter and Fluffy Bat modelling a Tena Slip Maxi that is just a bit too big for me. Perhaps I am a small toddler after all.

Back in New York, I feel charged with the buzz of a huge city already. This could be dure to getting little sleep as I am staying in the world's loudest hotel room.

May I suggest any baby/toddler visitors to New York do not rely on Depends as purchased from the ubiquitous Duane Reade pharmacies. Well, not rely on them if you want a dry bed.

Off to hit town!

As I sit here after lunch, still in the cloth nappy from last night, it strikes me how practical a good pair of plastic pants can be.

Clearly, a lot babies and toddlers are charmed/soothed/entertained by their own Platonic ideal of the protective pant. Some like rubber pants, some vinyl, some like nursery prints. Yet, since babies and toddlers have to wear nappies pretty much all of the time (not, ideally, when in the bath) having some practical, functional pants is a good idea, even if aesthetic criteria have to take a second place.

Even if you generally view yourself as a disposable kid, plastic pants are still useful. I have yet to come across a disposable that does not weep slightly, and modern disposables are so good at holding fluid away from the skin it can be hard to tell when we need a change and may end up leaking without noticing it. This can result in getting grumpy, petulant and having to do more washing, so is best avoided.

The primary key to doing well with one's plastic pants is sizing. Most purveyors of plastic pants give a range sizes that each of their stock sizes will fit. You should choose a size that you are right in the middle of the size bracket. Whilst some people like really tight or really large plastic pants these will either cut the circulation off to your legs (more petulance) or leak like crazy (even more petulance and washing). The pants have to be reasonably voluminous, as when one is restless in bed, runs about at playgroup/the gallery or thrashes about on the floor giggling and squealing whilst being tickled it is possible for nappies to slip under less well-sized pants. For daytime use as long as the fit is fine, you can get by with pretty much any design. Nursery prints are often nice, but if one is just hanging around with friends at home then it doesn't matter if you have clear pants and your nappy is on display. After all, they know you are a baby/toddler.

In my experience, plastic pants are pretty much mandatory for night-time use and, of course, when one is wearing a cloth nappy. Since no disposable manufacturer is yet to cater for those of us who sleep on our sides plastic pants are a much better solution to washing the bed sheet incredibly frequently. These events demand the most effective plastic pants, which are the ones that have enclosed elastic. These have a much better seal and leak far less then even well-fitting pants with normal elastics. My favourite supplier can be found here. They are reliable, affordable and have a good range of stuff. These are the enclosed-elastic plastic pants; as you can see they are made from the 'softwear' material which is perfectly comfortable. If I had planned things a bit better, I'd have ordered a few more pairs before my trip to the US. Ah well. LLMedico also sell rather nice nursery-printed cloth-covered plastic pants that are useful for hot days when one wants to look a bit smarter. Not so smart that I have to iron my Teletubbies t-shirt though, oh no, far too much like hard work....