I read this with much hilarity. What next, swearing a lot makes your knob get bigger?

The partner purchased some staggeringly expensive sun glasses yesterday. Perfect timing, as this is what my phone says the weather is going to be like for the next few days:

I’ve just been through the spume of drivel right back to when it started on 31 January 2005 and tagged every post. The overall impression I get is that I am obsessed with wine, food, Butter the bear and gadgets. Perhaps more than this I appear to have been ill quite a lot. I am not sure I can shake the vomiting problem, but I think I can honestly tell my regular reader that I think the worst of my mental health problems are behind me; psychotherapy has been quite amazingly useful. I hope, dear reader, you’ll be pleased to read this. I should whine less, at least.

... I am quite the cuddler:

Often as I stand in the queue to pay at the supermarket I look at my shopping and wonder what story it tells about me. After I've finished crying/laughing/looking ashmed I pay and head off on my way back home with my minimum of three packets of sherbet flying saucers plus other less important stuff.

With today's look at the logs I note that people have found my site this month using the following phrases:

37 different keyphrases	Search	Percent
ab/dl	12	21.4 %
url commentview software	3	5.3 %
people with aids plaza	3	5.3 %
bread intolerance	2	3.5 %
plastic pants	2	3.5 %
toddler blog	2	3.5 %
tight plastic pants	2	3.5 %
nill illigitimi carborundum	1	1.7 %
why put off tomorrow what you can do today	1	1.7 %
picky toddler eaters	1	1.7 %
mr charles bradlaugh mp for northampton	1	1.7 %
blog disclaimer	1	1.7 %
what is the relationship of cocktail temperature and people?	1	1.7 %
03 pinot blanco	1	1.7 %
ab/dl 21 only	1	1.7 %
drunk man ebay onion	1	1.7 %
road to excess leads to	1	1.7 %
thumb in my mouth	1	1.7 %
what can you give a toddler 22 months for gas	1	1.7 %
plastic night pants	1	1.7 %
ab/dl	1	1.7 %
pictures from the 20twenty final	1	1.7 %
ab/dl sites	1	1.7 %
picky eaters toddler	1	1.7 %
grades of toro sushi	1	1.7 %
tight fitting plastic pant	1	1.7 %
url commentview hardware	1	1.7 %
toddler jealousy	1	1.7 %
3 o clock is too late or too early to do anything	1	1.7 %
ab&dl	1	1.7 %
humiliation nappies	1	1.7 %
toddler boy hair styles	1	1.7 %
ab dl blog	1	1.7 %
coldest summer i ever	1	1.7 %
nuk medic	1	1.7 %
ab toddler	1	1.7 %
search for fifty ways to say good job to a toddler	1	1.7 %

What in the name of Butter does this say about me and the spume of drivel? Probably that it is a spume of drivel....

Thanks to my loyal reader (Mrs Trellis of North Wales, no doubt, if you have nasty Realplayer then hear her level of comment-ability here) I have now been caught by search engines. They are watching us all it seems. A couple of people this month have found me by searching for "nuk medic pro" and this is fine by me. One dear and as yet unknown person found me by typing the following text into Google, "can bottle feeding cause smelly sloppy nappies". To my eternal and agonising embarrassment, my blog appears third given those search terms. Infamy, infamy, they've all got it in-for-me! The real shame of this (apart from my personal shame, obviously) is that I just have not tackled that question here. Nor do I intend to.

I do not wish to seem churlish that people choose to visit this, my personal fountain of incoherent gibberish. However, when one thinks about what one would like to achieve with one's life, the goals one has, can many people honestly say that they would like to be known as the third best source of information about whether bottle feeding can cause smelly, sloppy nappies?

The smell of sizzled flesh is strong in my nostrils; today I had my face lasered.

Once again the nice lady that does this to me told me how happy I always seem and that at least I do not swear like all her other clients. "Oh really?" I say mildly as the room pitches and sways with peculiarly perverse pain. It really is quite exquisitely agonising but I try to be as polite and charming as possible. I am sure I am spouting all kinds of drivel, but by showing no pain I get out in half the time and save cash. Hooray!

Why the boat-race lasered? To save pain and discomfort, oddly enough. Every morning I cut my face to ribbons with a razor, my face is a mass of tiny scars, only to look in the mirror and see a face that clearly has not shaved in days. Electric razors are hopeless, especially given my manual dexterity. So I am having my folicles fried so I never have to shave again.

Only three full sessions so far (including today) and I am terribly pleased. Not only is my beard-line amazingly reduced I also have an anecdote. All it costs is money and looking like I have mange for a few days after it has been done.

Blog software installed and apparently working. I do wonder if I can generate enough boring drivel to fill this. I'll try the odd joke from time to time, just for a change. Until then, Toddler Pinot and Butter bid you welcome!